Tony An opened up about his struggles with depression and social anxiety.
On the November 13th episode of 'CBS Renew', former H.O.T member Tony An featured as a guest and shared behind-the-scenes stories of how he debuted with the group and later transitioned into becoming a businessman. He expressed, "Throughout my time with the group, I had low self-esteem. I thought, 'I'm not capable, but I ended up succeeding because I met such amazing members and a great agency.' So I often though, 'Maybe I have no real talent.'"
After the disbandment of H.O.T, Tony An faced the fear of standing on his own. He said, "I struggled with feelings of inferiority and obsession with the thought, 'What if people say it was all because of the H.O.T fame?' But I'm good at talking, so I thought I need to show what I can do well. That's why I started my business," revealing how he started a school uniform company.
He then shared he was lonely, but couldn't tell anyone he was struggling and began isolating himself. Tony An recalled, "At one point, I started getting severe headaches. They were excruciating. I was taking 8 headache pills a day, but the pain wouldn't go away. That's when someone advised me to see a psychiatrist. So I went to see one for the first time."
After undergoing tests, Tony was diagnosed with 8 psychiatric symptoms, including depression, bipolar disorder, and social anxiety. He said, "I was prescribed a lot of medication, and after taking the medicine, the headaches disappeared. But I felt completely powerless. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't care about money, I didn't care about eating, I was just so tired of life. I would work, but I'd spend my time blankly, and no positive thoughts came to me. Only negative thoughts kept coming. I started to wonder, 'What is the point of this life?'"
Things got worse when Tony combined alcohol and medication, resulting in a frightening incident. He explained, "I woke up to a wet feeling near my head. My bed was soaked in blood. I had no memory of what happened. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that I had no hair. I must have accidentally cut my ear while trying to cut my hair with scissors." He added, "Later, I found out that I had slammed my head into the elevator mirror."
Despite these struggles, Tony still found a turning point. "One day, a fan gave me a book. It was 'Letting Go' by missionary Lee Yong-kyu," he recalled. "I suddenly had the urge to read it, and I finished the entire book in half a day. It felt like my story. That's when my depression lifted, and hope returned."
Tony An said that he realized he had to let go in order to overcome his struggles. He made the decision to enlist in the military, applying the next day and leaving for training just a few days later.
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