Kim Se Jung of Gugudan and IOI appeared on the November 30 airing of JTBC's 'As You Say' and grew emotional thinking of her repressed emotions and project group IOI's disbandment.
Before the crowd as a busker on the streets, she said, "I think 2016 was the year I received generous love. Words like 'the child that always smiles' and 'the positive child' followed and stuck to me. Doesn't that mean opposite words would also follow and stick to me? That's how words like 'the person pretending to smile' and 'someone who seems like she'd be bearing something behind the scenes' followed and stuck to me.
"I think around my second year in high school, I made some mistake, so I got in trouble with the teacher. I was being scolded badly, but the teacher said, 'Is this funny? You don't think you did anything wrong? Don't smile.' I knew I had done something wrong and was self-reflecting. I tried to force the corners of my lips down, but the corners just twitched and would not go down. I didn't know what expression to put on next. Because I didn't know of any other expression. I stood there for thirty minutes without being able to wear any other expression. It hit me that the only thing I knew how to do was smile.
"I came from a home that was not wealthy. My mother had to raise me and my older brother while in a lot of debt. I had to stay in my grandfather's house and my aunt's house, and then we got, for the first time, a small house with monthly rent. I was so happy about it that I actually had to stop moving my luggage and cried. And during all this, my mother lived more fiercely and diligently than anybody else. Because I lived through that, I learned how to hide my emotions at a young age. That's how a dark child became a part of me."
She then talked about how she was able to change. She said, "My vocal trainer asked me, 'Have you ever loved so much that you were sorry without restraint?'" which made her think of her mother's thirties and how the dark child within her, which had exerted a lot of energy into hiding her face, had burst forth with tears.
The idol stated, "Not too long ago, during a recording, I thought of the weight of my mother and suddenly grew teary. Finally I accepted my emotions. I wish that everybody would find a way to honestly accept their feelings."
She then concluded with talking about how her repressed emotions affected her relationship with IOI, saying, "Because I started with the knowledge that I'd have to leave the IOI members [eventually], I first distanced myself. However, thinking about our [pending] separation, I cry these days. I don't want to leave them," and grew teary eyed right there.
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