Dear My Family, Kim Jonghyun, 

I've been very sad since you been away.

I thought "can we just skip right to may?"

I was scared that pain would take over me

And that everything sacred this month held for me, I would refuse to see.

I always thought that when this day finally came,

That I'd blame it all on the fame,

The sorrow, the pressure, the pain

Deep down this day scares me,

Having to celebrate your birthday without you.

I turned to a lot of people for help

and they told me to let it be

That there was nothing I could do

"He's in a better place", they said

Still every night, I see your face before bed.

I know I can be strong

Even if not for long

But bit by bit,

I know I can get through it. 

Today is, was, should be, should have been your special day.

It hurts so much when I can't decide on which one to use in my sentences.

Because no matter where I got in this world, things will continue to be this way.

The pain that your absence brings is unexplainable

The hurt that's in my heart is indescribable.

You had a heart of Gold and you were married to music

You never wanted to see anyone in danger, not even a few sick.

Yes, you weren't perfect

But you were everything we needed

And the time you spent with us, no matter how short, will forever remain in our hearts.

You put others first before your own self

You gave us the one thing we wanted- "your attention"

But when you gave us the chance to figure out what it was that you wanted, we failed you miserably

We did you dirty!

We let you down

And I'm so so sorry.

You'll never leave my head and heart

And whenever I'm reminded of you,

I'll say a silent prayer for you and for your loved ones too

Be happy wherever you are and be free without pain and suffering

For today, we celebrate your beautiful soul!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AN ANGEL, A BEAUTIFUL SOUL, KIM JONGHYUN