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8 years ago
I met 'A', who was a trainee for a talented ballad group, at our college, and started dating normally.
One day, he was showing me photos in his phone, and I saw naked videos of me while we were doing something private. (Of course, I never agreed to thise videos).
He has taken those videos on purpose in secret.
It was a year after we'd started dating.
However, I believed him when he said, 'I wanted to see you when you were far away but couldn't, so I wanted to save it as a video', and tried to forgive him.
I was so angry and shocked and didn't know what to say. My face got red and I told him to erase it right away.
He told me he did, but I don't know if he actually did or if he saved it somewhere.
But I liked him, so I tried to trust him.
But he must have thought I was easy because I forgave him, so he would video call me and tell me he wanted to see parts of my body all the time.
He would tell me sweet words of love and do those things, and I would have to always refuse him and be annoyed.
But he was a lover who I'd become fond of, and I couldn't easily break up with him. I did also lean on him for things, so I kept dating him.
However, he debuted, and broke up with me.
He said it so suddenly, and because I loved him and was worried about the video, I texted him multiple times and tried to contact him, but I didn't get a proper answer or an apology.
He would avoid my calls, or say he was busy.
The answer I got were these: "Things like that happen when we're dating," "Do you still rememebr that"?
In 2015, I got a message of apology.
But I'm still in a trauma.
If he really loved me and cherished me, why would he save a private time with me in a video that could be shared with someone else?
Did he really want to just see it himself?
Maybe it was a plan to keep me silent by threatening me with that video, so I wouldn't bother him after he debuted?
I spent 8 years in chaos because of that video, and the value of the 'love' that was the foundation of our 2 years of dating.
I wondered if that video was floating around somewhere, or if he still had it saved even though he said he erased it.
I would wonder if by accident or on purpsoe the video would be shared.
Whenever I had those thoughts, all I could do was take pills for depression and blame myself for not seeing him for who he actually was.
When I dated other people, before I was sure he only had pure intentions, I constantly, darkly doubted him.
It's been 8 years of that pain.
But I won't be scared of that anymore.
I want to tell men that think lightly of these things that your pleasure was violence to me.
I also want to tell women that are in the same pain as I am not to suffer alone for so long as I did, and to reveal it, report it, and punish them so that the same thing won't be repeated.
I sincerely, with all my heart, support this Me Too Movement.